Check it out! Update your Google Reader or whatever you use to manage your blog obsessions. Or am I the only Google Reader gal left in town?

I am at ease.
I am enough.
I am absolutely present.

Then I can breathe.

We’ve started having help with mowing … and even with the house-cleaning now and then.

My vegetable garden turned into a huge weed patch; I’d essentially given up on it until Eat Your Yard Out entered the picture.

Another thing that fell by the wayside was cooking at home.

Since taking possession of Peerless in May, we’d gotten into a habit of working to exhaustion, then eating out because I couldn’t imagine shopping and cooking at 8 or 9pm. It’s a catch-22 because I ate out because I was tired; but then all that restaurant food was killing my energy! One day I told my mom that if I’m going be this busy I need to start eating and exercising for energy. I started really listening to my body after each meal and heard a few things:

• It doesn’t take much gluten and sugar before I’m sluggish. Bread has gluten…so does beer.
• I feel better when I eat more raw foods.
• Let’s be honest, most dairy (besides yogurt) gives me gas.

Pretty simple stuff, no brainers actually! So after we returned from a trip to Minnesota a couple weeks ago, I stocked the fridge with lots fruits and veggies and decided to make time for cooking. Inspired by this Zen Habits post about the intersection of fit and fun, I’ve been cooking with more whole foods, a few more raw foods, and making it fun. Really fun! And totally tasty.

Some of our favorites (yes, Caleb loves these too!):

• Avocado and mustard seeds from my beautiful, new copy of Super Natural Every Day Food. You can download a free sampler that includes the recipe here.
• Steamed quinoa mixed with fresh basil and topped with grilled zucchini, onion, mushrooms and spicy tahini sauce. We eat this at least once a week and have served it to friends, too. Serve it alongside quartered figs drizzled with balsamic reduction. Let some of the balsamic mix with the tahini and veggies. Trust me on this.
• Small glasses of cold brew iced coffee with Silk coconut milk. Cold brew coffee has 67% less acid and I’ve read it doesn’t dehydrate the body as much. And it’s sooooooooo delicious.
• Veggie stir fry (with lots of greens) with cashews and coconut on top.
• Nikolas’ blueberry-banana smoothie with tahini, peanut butter and cold brew coffee (all the ingredients listed, so try it)
• Fresh fig and banana smoothie
• And this twist on oatmeal:

Blender Oatmeal

1/2 cup rolled oats
3 dates
Small handful almonds
1-2 tsp coconut oil

Blend. Eat. You can also add some shredded unsweetened coconut, just for kicks.

It will be dry and crumbly. Don’t worry, just go with it because it’s delicious, especially alongside a cup of coffee. Eat it with a spoon like you would oatmeal. Rolled oats are not actually raw, but this is a whole, simple and cool way to enjoy oatmeal in the summer. We even blended up a couple batches  for a two-night art de-installation trip to Lincoln last weekend. Ate it out of plastic cups in our hotel room and saved money on breakfast!

Energy levels increasing ….

Brit, Daph, Mandy

The craziness of opening Peerless has finally started to die down. It’s becoming fun. There is more of a rhythm to it. We are starting to breathe a bit … well, almost.

I love working at Peerless. I love the high ceiling, the white walls, the huge windows, the view of the park and the people walking their dogs, even the boxiness of it and—I am almost ashamed to say—the grocery store florescent lighting. I know! Who would have thought? Something about all that light is so nice, though.

There is an airiness about the space; it gives you room to think big. The place is just over 1,500 square feet. All told, it’s about the same size as our house packed into one rectangular room.

My favorite thing is that we are becoming a place where people gather. We’ve eaten Indian food with friends while working on epic art projects. We have gotten to know Wanda while she painted her beauty in our space. Brit has started co-officing with us. Cale’s become a good friend and been working on projects with Caleb. Gerard popped by yesterday to paint because he didn’t want to work at home alone. Mandy borrowed our computer to finish an InDesign project the other day. Last night I hosted my women’s solopreneur group there. That’s not to mention all the drop ins—all the people we meet through just being there every day with regular hours. It’s like people who are interested in similar things and hopefully a similar way, are drawn to the energy of the space. I love that.

Last week Caleb had a work project in Minneapolis so we went up together to get out of town for a bit. On Friday, we drove 4 more hours north of the city, to Janna and Dwight’s cabin (um, I mean amazing house) up on the north shore of Lake Superior. Ying and Miao came, too. That weekend was pure heaven. We rock-hunted, hiked, relaxed with dear friends, laughed a ton and slept so well. It was a much-needed break. We were sad to leave after just two days.

Caleb and I walked into Peerless the first day after getting back, extremely tired and grumpy from the previous night’s travel (and an unfortunate 2:30 am tire blowout). But as soon as we sat down to work, we smiled, looked at each other and said, “It feels good to be back.”

- – -

You are welcome to visit us at Peerless anytime. Check out wearepeerless.com for hours and more info.

Photo by Miao Liu

Caleb, Bethany and I stayed up talking ’til 2am, just debriefing opening night, the show and the future of Peerless. Our feet ached, our bodies were sore from many days of hard work to prepare our space. It was the best kind of tired—satisfied and celebratory.

Maybe it was the effects of last night’s wine or maybe it was the wound-up excitement, but my eyes popped open at 7 this morning. I thought I’d be sleeping all day. I made some coffee to keep me and my thoughts company in the quiet house. The thing I keep going back to is that moth, the one who landed in the puddle outside Peerless yesterday afternoon.

It was a female Callosamia Promethea. Bethany picked up the water-logged beauty and carefully dried her off with tissue paper. While we worked on last minute set up, the moth sat on a paper towel, gently fanning her wings dry. She stayed with us through most of the reception, then flew away.

It was like an almost-friend showed up, one that was not so much cheering us on, but bearing witness to our momentous day and bringing a gentle blessing before she aired her wings and flew away.

I did some googling and found that while a butterfly forms in a delicate chrysalis, a moth forms in a cocoon with a hard casing to protect it from the elements. It speaks to themes of nurture, protection and self-care during times of development. Her visit reminded me that I want and need to take care of myself during this time. I will nurture my inner being and take what I need to be healthy.

A moth is drawn to lunar light. It symbolizes intuition and heightened awareness. I want to remember to follow my spiritual compass and to remain grounded in reflection and awareness of all the miracles around me. I will notice small signs of big things in the midst of these busy, new, hard-working times.

Resting in love and light,

D.

- – -

P.S. On a somewhat related side note: This week Caleb and I encountered a Sudanese man who has been walking around Omaha, tirelessly and somewhat desperately searching for a job. His name is Gabriel. We have had some serendipitous encounters with Gabriel—one directly following Emerging Terrain’s triumphal outcome with the zoning board of appeals.

Though we can’t offer Gabriel a full-time job, we were able to give him a few hours work helping us to clean and prepare Peerless for last night’s opening. He was such a great help, a hard worker and feels like a gentle soul. He speaks English and is looking for full time work in a factory, or janitorial or restaurant service. If you know of any leads, please send them my way and we will pass them on to him.

Caleb and I both have heavy hearts for immigrants and the vulnerability they must feel as they navigate a new life and bewildering culture. We appreciate any leads to jobs, assistance or training that you could offer.

2. Barbara-Rose Pierre Paul’s Pinterest boards. You know when you run across someone that you think is your kindred spirit even though you don’t know each other and in this case, the other person lives in France? When I found Barbara-Rose on Pinterest, I realized that I’d unknowingly been repinning her work for months. I wrote her a note and she wrote back:

Daphne: Hi! I was so excited to find your boards. I love your pins! To me, you are famous.

Barbara-Rose: Hello Daphne, you’re so kind I’m glad I don’t receive so much messages like yours because I would become conceited as a barber’s cat, but I must admit I liked it . Have a nice day … pin you soon.

Conceited as a barber’s cat…I love it! I want to meet her someday.

3. Jaqueline Bequette recently quit her job as an art teacher for OPS and went out on her own as an artist and art educator. Talk about courageous acts! She is a facilitator of The Artist’s Way workshops, similar to the group I just finished with Marcia, Mandy and Brit. A friend introduced us and we have corresponded a bit this week. Jaqueline was so affirming of our step toward opening Peerless. She wrote,

Opening must be invigorating and scary at the same time. And I just want to acknowledge how wonderful your journey is. You trust and go where flow is leading you.

- – - -

Where is the flow leading you today? What part of the process are you trusting right now?

My inspiration board has gotten a little bigger … and I have a feeling that both my artistic and business expressions (are they different?) are going to keep growing.

Here are six things that have fed me lately.

1. This Strange Phase, a painting and video installation that Caleb, Bethany and I did for Big Omaha. This was the first time I’ve been a part of an art exhibit. With my name on it!

2. Completing The Artist’s Way, a 12-week creative “recovery program” with Mandy, Marcia and Brittany. You should do it.

3. An intimate Women Solopreneur’s group. Tonight is our second meeting. It feels like breathing.

4. Elizabeth Gilbert speaking about creative “genius” on Radio Lab and at TED.

5. Jeff Slobotski, Dusty Davidson, Danny Schreiber and Brittany Mascio of Silicon Prairie News and their passionate, heartfelt gift to Omaha via the Big Omaha conference.

6. Peerless, an oh-so-mysterious project, which I will reveal here very quietly because I’m almost unable to believe it’s true. Caleb and I have the opportunity to move into a 1,300 sq ft retail space at Omaha’s Midtown Crossing to use as a gallery and working art studio. It has happened so fast; we are so excited, overwhelmed and thankful. I can’t wait to share more with you!

What is inspiring you these days?

To go slow and pursue beauty, I cooked and gardened. I loved the colors, the smell, the taste of food. Slowly chopping vegetables was such a soothing experience. I loved being in the earth, seeing things grow and being a part of it. I cooked to my heart’s content, then Caleb and I ate it all. I basically went on a food and beverage bender. For a while it was so fun; I enjoyed not limiting myself. I cooked with butter and cream. We switched to whole milk. I ate real food, organic meat and vegetables from my garden. Then I took bigger portions. And I ate more sugar—real sugar, not artificial, low calorie sweetners. The number on the scale crept higher. And the energy levels dropped. I rarely exercised. I outgrew some clothes. It wasn’t so fun anymore. Sluggish. Fuzzy. Chubby. That’s how I’ve felt.

I was on an indulgent spiral: continually taking in more. More coffee, more sugar, more alcohol, more food—just more overall input. Probably for comfort, sometimes to mourn, and even to celebrate. It has affected my health, how I look, how I feel about myself and how I enjoy the present moment. So I get it now: indulgence isn’t the answer. But neither are my old go-to methods!

For most of my life my attitude toward my body has revolved around two themes: shame and competition. It mostly has to do with how I look, and, more specifically—my weight. I compare myself to other women. I put myself down for eating the ice cream. I tell myself I am fat as I squeeze my “love” handles with disgust. I am not satisfied with how fast or how far I run…it could always be better. I hide or disguise the parts of my body that I think are gross. I have a friend who used to say, “I beat my body and make it my slave.” I used to think it was crazy. But I secretly kind of admired his attitude and wished I could master my own body like he did. I often punished my body but it never seemed to obey. Then I’d put myself down, thinking it’d make me try harder next time. That’s just how it was.

But it didn’t work. More importantly, it no longer matched up with my ideals of being kind, going slow and pursuing beauty. I started wanting to be kind to myself. But how does a woman start being nice to herself when she’s been the mean girl since junior high?

In what I thought to be an unrelated dialogue, my coach was telling me that I needed to connect with my body as a part of my healing from burnout. Over time, I’d separated my emotions from my body because what I had been experiencing was too intense to process. She explained all the physiology behind it: how your brain processes information, how traumatic events can shut you off from your body, from connecting meaning, time and memories. It’s very scientific. She suggested I try yoga as a part of my healing process, to attach my body to my emotions again.

The first time I went to Hatha yoga. The instructor told us, “Don’t compete, not even with yourself.” I sighed with relief and held my beginner’s pose with ease. My body said, “Thank you.” I said, “You are very welcome here.” Right there, I decided to be gentle with myself.

Then Jara introduced me to Bikram yoga. The thermostat is set to 105 degrees. It’s an hour and a half. Some people call it intense, but doing a practice that I am totally unable to “achieve” has been such a release. My friend, Sharne, talks about how important it is to enjoy doing something badly—and that’s what I’ve been practicing in Bikram. In the process, I have become more grateful for my body, rather than critical of it. I regularly thank my body for the moves it can make, even if they aren’t “perfect.” After all, my body is a miracle. Its bigger, softer curves and its unbalanced, inflexible movements do not make it any less miraculous.

Yesterday the instructor helped me stretch down into a wide leg forward bend—just little bit further. My legs were actually straight for the first time! She noticed my smile.

I’ve cried at the completion of almost every yoga class, as I lay on my back in my final resting pose. Tears and sweat mingle and drip down the side of my head. Some droplets fall into my ears and others onto the sweaty floor. I feel spent and alive. I am in awe of how connected my spirit feels to my body. It is prayer.

I ran a mile and told my body “thank you.”It smiled back at me and said, “You are very welcome here. Now I can run a little bit more for you.” We ran a little more and I said to my body, “You’re beautiful.” It said, “I know.”

I’ve taken off slow. Somewhere during the year I realized that I love working for myself. I also love working with Caleb. This month we both took the plunge into full, no safety net self-employment. It’s been a scary jump. But there are so many yes-es behind it.

I’ve been able to work on some great projects in the last year:

• Write and project wrangle Sari Bari‘s new website. One of my favorite things was art directing the photography.
• Create a portfolio website for Courtney Patch.
• Edit Emily’s book. I cannot wait until it is available. I’m stunned by her talent for fiction … something I’ve never really tried.
• Create a portfolio website for Mark Gilbert.
• Ghostwrite a book. I’m still working on this project and it’s been one of the favorites of my life.
• Help get Coriander of the ground. 30 days from signing a lease to opening, baby.
• Help wrangle Caleb’s projects. It’s been so fun working with him!

I’ve said goodbye:

• My dear friend, Annemarie, moved to CA. She and her husband, John, are our people. We really feel the loss, even more deeply now as the reality sets in.
• Del Marie Creamery officially ended in November, during a sweet visit to CA to see John and Annemarie. It was a difficult decision, but we are so happy we made it. I am still wondering what that whole, beautiful, destined-to-die thing was.

I’ve met some amazing people who have enriched my life. Too many to name, but in particular:

• Melissa Kopplin, life coach and circle gatherer extraordinaire.
• Ying Zhu and Miao Liu, Ying is Caleb’s soon-to-be studio mate and Miao is her patent-un-pender photographer husband!
• Anne Trumble, co-hort in dreaming and idea scheming.

Life is good. Last fall I kept telling Laura that I had a feeling that wouldn’t go away. It was like I knew that one day I’d look back on this time and marvel at all the things that were coming together, all the good changes I was making, and all the creative inspiration that was coming to me. I am so thankful.